This myth is so popular that it occsionally shows up in the syndicated self-help column you'll find in your local newspaper. "I tried therapy. It didn't work. My case is hopeless."
Usually the person is talking about having visited a psychological counselor or social worker who couldn't "make" them forgive a perceived wrong, "make" them stop smoking, or "make" their spouse turn into a different person. Occasionally, you'll hear the same thing from a patient whose doctor or health care practitioner couldn't "make" them healthy.
Sometimes it's tinged with anger. Other times, the person is simply at their wit's end.
Though I think we can all relate to the frustration the person who unintentionally buys into this myth must face (I sure can), it's misplaced. Ultimately, though, the person is in for some extremely good news.
It's easy enough to understand the misperception that a person's practitioner should do the healing work for them, but that's really all it is. A misperception. In truth, it's impossible. The good new is once the person's perception shifts (even a little) they'll find new opportunities available that they hadn't considered before.
That is excellent news for someone who sincerely wants to be well!
Here are 3 new opportunities for a person who’s ready to shift their relationship with the healing process.
1. Notice that the words "forgive," "stop," and "heal" are all verbs - action words. To create a successful outcome, the person with the situation to be "forgiven", "stopped," or "healed" needs to take action. A practitioner can teach and inspire, but the person whose situation it is needs to make the change.
2. Remember all practitioners do not use the same strategies or techniques. Nothing works all the time for everyone. A person who isn't satisfied with their current results might consider looking around for additional information.
This may include changing practitioners, adding another modality (for example, massage therapy and chiropractic may be more effective together than either is alone), or it may mean digging a little deeper within the situation you already have established. When you change, your results will change (see point #3).
3. The only person it is within your power to change is you. You cannot change your spouse. Your therapist cannot change you. If a change occurs, it will happen as a result of a change you make for yourself, within yourself. When you change, your world changes as well. As a result, the "problem" people or situations in your life - including illness - will become manageable or move on.
(We affectionately call these people or situations "teachers," since they are the true inspiration for our transformation.)
You may not think this is fair. My coaching participants sometimes ask, "But why do I have to be the one to make the change, when it's the other person (or situation, or illness) who is obviously so wrong???"
Simple. That's how it works. You cannot change another person, situation, or illness directly, except through the application of force. That non-user-friendly solution rarely provides the long-term benefit you desire. No outside entity can change you either, without your permission.
However as you change yourself, your relationship with the outside situation transforms. Once you've made the change, the trigger will no longer need to be a part of your life. You will have become the healer of your own situation.
See how that empowers you?
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
Take our free Less Stress; More Time mini-course!
Comments (1)
Just have to comment on how true it is that thinking that "therapy will make you happy" or "pills can cure everything" are myths.
Certainly those things can and do help in many ways, but in my own experience I never felt truly BETTER until I changed my own way of looking at things and people, my own feelings, choices and actions.
Some of this empowerment did come from Elizabeth's Stress Buster Kit and being involved in her coaching program. Life now flows more smoothly in positive directions. I'm happy about that!
Posted by judith Greenwood | June 27, 2006 5:43 PM
Posted on June 27, 2006 17:43