"I planned to do * Thing A *. Now my circumstances have changed. I'd still like to do it, but I'm not comfortable with overtaxing my finances. What to do?"
Great question! This one involves at least 3 of the 6 Wellness Opportunities we explore in the "Transform Stress Into Power" guide and develop further in the Ultimate Stress-Buster Kit.
THREE!
What's a person to do?
Wellness Opportunity reference #1: Give your word. Keep it.
On the one hand, the reader made a commitment to do something. He made a promise to his son and set it up as a goal for himself. He gave his word to physically prepare for the event, and for the past several months, he's been getting ready.
Wellness Opportunity reference #2: Become an efficient manager of your personal resources (time, money & energy).
But now his circumstances have changed. While he's physically ready for the event, some unforseen events have tapped out his finances and he's not financially ready.
Wellness Opportunity reference #3: Resolve personal conflicts and power struggles.
All this has caused a personal conflict! Should he go with the original plan because he said he would, and because he'd enjoy spending the time with his son? Or should he be responsible to his finances? Or might he come up with some other creative solution?
It's never quite so simple when the situation shows up in your life, is it? Obviously, the only person who can really answer this question is the gentleman who asked it. Yet perhaps I can suggest a few problem-solving strategies.
1. One is to check in with your own inner wisdom for the answer. The basic technique we explore in the Ultimate Stress-Buster Kit is to formulate a solution-focused question, ask it, then receive the answer. In a case like this, however, it can be a challenge to hear the answer over all the chatter of your logical mind.
- As a person who values your word, this answer might be difficult to hear - because your conscious mind will have a bias toward keeping it.
- As a person who feels strongly about keeping your finances under control, this answer might be difficult to hear - because your conscious mind will have a bias toward staying out of debt.
- These two conscious biases conflict with one another. No wonder the reader is confused!
Wellness Opportunity reference #4 [bonus!]: Learn to appreciate the freshness of a new approach to an old situation.
I might suggest starting with a solution-focused question like this, "What would it look like to keep my word to my son and also stay in control of my finances? Is there a solution I haven't seen yet?" After all, this may not truly be the either/or situation the reader perceives.
- Are there frequent flier miles that could be reedemed?
- Where might he come up with some extra cash? A rummage sale? An odd job or two?
- Other creative ideas?
This style of questioning is really like surrendering your own limited problem-solving capacity to a higher power. I have literally had the phone ring within moments of powerfully asking this kind of question - and the person on the other end had just the perspective I needed to find a solution.
2. Next, I'd suggest that the reader explore ways of re-promising his word with integrity. Occasionally, we come to feel trapped by a promise that's been made. A good promise doesn't feature entrapment, but honor. And there's no honor in doggedly pursuing a course of action that isn't working.
If no extra cash can be raised, this becomes a trap of two conflicting promises. Obviously, one of those promises will need to be re-negotiated. What would that look like? The reader might try out both scenarios in his mind, previewing the conversations that would need to take place. Then, he'd try and get a sense of the long-term results of either choice.
3. He might also try a simple "pro" and "con" list. It seems so obvious, but in the doing, such a list can really help you sort things through. One of the best outcomes of the "pro / con" sort is to eavesdrop on yourself as you fill out the list. Is the solution you want winning? Or is it the other one? Doesn't really matter, does it, since you've just identified the solution you prefer...
Sneaky, huh?
4. Finally, I'd suggest that the reader consider a journaling exercise about any other factors that might influence his ability to make an objective choice in this situation. If something else does come up, and it often does, there's much more power available in addressing it directly than in simply allowing the hidden factor to indirectly sabotage yet another goal.
Best wishes to our reader in working out this potentially sticky situation for the best of all involved! Please keep us posted...
Ask your own question at http://www.AskElizabethEckert.com
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
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Comments (1)
Thank you Elizabeth for helping me sort out the thoughts and feelings I had in my decision making process. I took your advice and used the solution-focused question, "What would it look like to keep my word to my son and also stay in control of my finances? Is there a solution I haven't seen yet?" As soon as I asked that question I realized that because I thought I was in an either/or, lesser of two evils, type situation my creativity was stifled. All I could think about was the negative consequences associated with each choice. I was hoping there was a win-win solution but I couldn't see it. Then the light came on and I saw the solution. I shared my idea with my wife and she saw it as the solution as well. It was right in front of us all the time! About a month ago we considered a loan against our retirement account to make a major purchase but passed on the idea because we'd have to suspend our savings plan while paying back the loan. But this time we looked at what it would be like if we used the loan to pay off our credit cards instead of making that purchase. I inquired about the monthly payment on a five year loan at 5.25% that would cover our credit cards and the trip to California. As it turned out we could do it this and save $50 per month and shorten the number of years it would take to get out of debt. I was so relieved that we had found the solution I couldn't help but cry tears of joy. I had been worried about how I could get out of debt in 5 years so I could retire from my job and now I saw a way to do that as well. Now I will be able to make the trip to California and climb Mt. Lassen with my son without feeling guilty for having to borrow the money. Having a plan to get out of debt really feels good, too. Thanks again for your insight and wise counsel.
Posted by George Lowther | July 28, 2006 12:57 AM
Posted on July 28, 2006 00:57