Healthy Living DIY

According to the news, our country has just experienced the third fatal school shooting within a week. I know this not because it's on the news show I've been watching, but because it showed up on Yahoo several hours ago.

This raises a few interesting questions.

1. What could possibly be behind such a rash of shootings?
2. Why is the news media relatively uninterested in this last shooting that killed 3 little Amish girls at a school in Pennsylvania?
3. If you were the violent type, why would you pick a bone with the Amish? This one really gets my goat, so to speak, because the Amish themselves are a pretty quiet and peaceful people. They basically farm and mind their own business.
4. How is this a healthy living topic?

So what do you think? I hope you'll comment at the end of this post.

But first, some discussion:

Do you consistently expect your best results? Do you intend them, hope for them, believe yourself entitled to them, or believe you deserve them?

The English language can get complicated, can't it?

Yet while it's obvious to most of us that we draw to us what we expect (the law of attraction we spoke about a short while ago in the healthy living forum), it can be challenging to manage expectation, hope, belief, entitlement, and the sense that we're deserving of what we want.

Let's explore!

Have you ever felt really frustrated about your health situation? A new client had felt poorly for years. Headaches, back problems, neck pain, the works. Now a ray of hope has come into her life. After her first therapy session, she'd felt somewhat better.

Bummer!

And at the beginning of the section session, she told me, "If I am able to develop some kind of holistic wellness here, I'm going to be so angry with myself!"

Angry?

Why?

Before we go any rurther, I want to tell you that this is an extremely motivated and committed client. I expect her to do well. So why the anger?

Who, or what, is the bully in your life? How are you planning to deal with 'im (or her)?

Over the past week or so, one of the discussion groups that I'm a part of has been having quite a go-around about a member's child who's being bullied at school. I should point out that the child is 7 and the bully sounds unusually aggressive. Intervention is in order, and mom is stepping up to the plate big time. So despite the stress of it, this child is in good hands.

However, the whole discussion got me thinking about the role of bullies in our lives.

Did you ever notice that there are certain people a bully won't go near? Whether we're talking about human bullies or selective events (like illness), some people seem to be more vulnerable than others.

* One person attracts partner after partner who berates her. Another attracts none.
* One person is plagued by "unlucky" events. Another seems to live under a cloud of protection
* One person attracts illness after illness. Another attracts none.

And so on.

What's the difference? And how can you be more like the guy behind door #2?

How do you deal with a bully? This is the third article in our series and, since I've been getting some interesting comments back, we'll go a little deeper.

A lot of times people take bully attacks (whether the human kind or the life circumstance kind - like illness, financial trouble, or accidents) personally. They think the bully has it in for them because they are inferior in some way.

Sometimes people also think that the ultimate antidote to being bullied is aggression.

Two very common misconceptions. Are you ready to see things in a new light?

Repeat after me, "When my life is in order, I feel good." One of the surest ways to recognize that things are going well in your life is a sense of peace, fulfillment, and well-being. In other words, feeling good.

Other side of the coin is this.

When you feel less than your best, it's a signal that something in your life needs attention. Sometimes the solution will be simple - like fixing lunch when you're hungry. Other times are "simply perplexing." You don't feel your best and the solution isn't so easy to find.

Where there is a bully, there is a victim. It's how things work. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly!

Nobody wants to be a victim - right?

Well, just yesterday a comment came in from a reader who was perceptive enough to recognize that our culture tends to give victims a lot of attention. And that sometimes people get stuck in a pattern of seeking that attention.

Which means that my assumption above is incorrect. Some people absolutely thrive on staying stuck in the role of the victim. At least they act as though they do. So here we are with another perplexing question.

Where does the personal power lie -- with the bully -- the victim -- or somewhere in between?

One thing we can universally agree on is this. Nobody wants to be bullied (not even bullies!) Nobody wants to have his or her hand forced by circumstances, events or people outside his realm of influence.

Of course it happens.

So here's today's question. When it does - when a person, event, or circumstance arrives in your life that treats you unfairly without your consent - who is responsible for dealing with it? You? Or the Authorities?

In the past several articles, I've made one particular suggestion a number of times. That suggestion was, when faced with a bully, to draw a line of acceptable behavior in the sand. Should that line be crossed and your respect or safety be threatened, walk away.

Regardless of who or what the bully may be -- a kid on the playground, an illness, a co-worker, a soon-to-be-ex-spouse, a limiting belief that holds you hostage -- in order to gain power over it, you must be willing to walk away.

And in order to do that, you'll need to know two little secrets.

I anticipate a couple of problems with the bully thread at this point. We'll take them up in the next two articles.

For today: Finding an elusive bully.

Here's the scenario. You're "stuck" in your life. You're frustrated that you can't get past a particular obstacle. You're discouraged because it seems like no matter what you do in this particular area of your life, you meet failure. Things just aren't working!

So what's really going on here? Are you doomed? Cursed? Stupid? Riddled with bad luck?

Nope. It's our friend the bully. But this time, he's wearing the dreaded shield of invisibility.

Wanna tease him out of his corner? Let's look at what's really going on here.

Great advice, "walk away from the bully." It works, too. Most of the time.

Other times, the bully is literally "in your face" and you can't walk away. This is a much more troubling situation. But it happens.

Let's explore it just a bit. At the very least, you'll have a basis for distinguishing when this is NOT going on -- fortunately most of the time -- and empower yourself to make a healthy choice before things escalate.