I anticipate a couple of problems with the bully thread at this point. We'll take them up in the next two articles.
For today: Finding an elusive bully.
Here's the scenario. You're "stuck" in your life. You're frustrated that you can't get past a particular obstacle. You're discouraged because it seems like no matter what you do in this particular area of your life, you meet failure. Things just aren't working!
So what's really going on here? Are you doomed? Cursed? Stupid? Riddled with bad luck?
Nope. It's our friend the bully. But this time, he's wearing the dreaded shield of invisibility.
Wanna tease him out of his corner? Let's look at what's really going on here.
* You just can't seem to get ahead with your finances. No matter what you try, your checkbook runs dry before the end of the month.
* Love life? What love life? It's Saturday night and you're home on the couch, as usual, eating Chinese take-out over a "Trading Spaces" rerun.
* Well, maybe you'd think about having someone over if your house looked better. But let's face it. The health department would put you on their "most wanted" bulletin board if only they knew.
* Job? Everyone else seems to have one. Sure they complain about them. But come on. At this point, anything where fries aren't an option sounds pretty good. Who said a decent job should be so hard to find?
* Or you're frustrated because your life lacks vision or meaning. You're frustrated with your weight. Your cholesterol's too high. Your relationship with your siblings isn't what you'd like.
Bottom line: You'd like to move forward in some very specific area of your life. But despite a valiant effort on your part, you're stuck. Just plain stuck.
What's going on?
Ask yourself this one, single all-important question: "Do I feel like a victim of the circumstances in this area of my life?"
Even if everything else is going just fine, do the circumstances in this one area of your life instill in you the feeling of being a victim?
If the answer to this question is "yes," then there's one obvious conclusion to reach. You are dealing with a bully.
Remember our strategy for dealing powerfully with bullies? Draw a line in the sand. If the line is crossed and your respect or safety are threatened, then walk away. In order to walk away powerfully:
1. Respect the bully.
2. Detach yourself from the outcome.
Great. But in order to do that, don't you have to know who the bully is?
I think so.
Let's face it, when the bully is a kid on the playground, he's pretty easy to name. But what are you going to do in this little situation, huh?
Hint: When you're stuck in life and feeling frustrated, your bully is most probably a belief that no longer serves your best interests. Identify the misperception, and you walk away free!
Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? After all, this bully is not armed. He doesn't have his fists up. There's no gun to your head. All you need to do is change your mind. So how difficult could that be?
I wish I could tell you it's as simple as it sounds. Well, it might be. But sometimes it takes quite a bit of teasing to lure our friend the Bully from his safe little corner.
What you need is awareness. Of course, we did a whole series on awareness and your health just a few weeks ago. I might also recommend the Ultimate Stress-Buster Kit - my best shot at preparing for your use a complete awareness-building system.
To be continued...
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
Take our free Less Stress; More Time mini-course!
