Have you ever felt really frustrated about your health situation? A new client had felt poorly for years. Headaches, back problems, neck pain, the works. Now a ray of hope has come into her life. After her first therapy session, she'd felt somewhat better.
Bummer!
And at the beginning of the section session, she told me, "If I am able to develop some kind of holistic wellness here, I'm going to be so angry with myself!"
Angry?
Why?
Before we go any rurther, I want to tell you that this is an extremely motivated and committed client. I expect her to do well. So why the anger?
Simple. Because she's just realized that there might have been something she could have done sooner. She's frustrated because she didn't know about it -- or even think to look a little harder.
Instead, she's fallen into the trap of assuming her situation was hopeless. In this particular case (and I mention it only because it's an important piece), she may have even felt that she deserved to feel bad. She recognizes that her own carelessness contributed to her situation.
What do we call that?
Guilt. Self-blame. Anger directed at one's self.
Remember a few articles ago when I said, "Blame has no place in a healing situation." I stand by my words. In fact, I'll take it a step further. Blame and guilt often interfere with healing.
Scenario #1:
You recognize you had a hand in the problem you now face. Instead of practicing self-forgiveness, realizing that you actually did the best you could that day given your circumstances, you blame yourself for the problem. You feel you deserve the pain in penance for your carelessness. So you hold back from finding an effective solution.
Scenario #2:
Now you find a solution that looks promising. You further blame yourself for not having found it earlier! Your penance is to berate yourself even more.
Comment:
This may be obvious, but in case you've not caught it yet, this person has one easy way to keep herself from feeling the anger of getting well. That is to stay unwell. As long as she stays in her state of ill health, she can avoid the pain, guilt, and anger associated with finding a solution.
Is this what she wants? Of course not! Remember this is a very highly motivated person who wants to do everything available to her to improve her situation.
What I expect she will do next is begin to change her thinking. (Which involves self-forgiveness.) She has no reason not to. She's already gained the awareness she needs -- the most difficult piece for most people. And she's committed to doing what it takes to get herself healthy.
Awareness + commitment. It's healing combination!
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
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