Healthy Living DIY

Basically, they strike fear into our hearts, challenge our instinct for survival, and cause us to place all our attention on them (versus whatever else in our lives may be screaming for it - which in the case of a 7-year-old would include learning academic and social skills at school).

Bullies are attention hogs. The world revolves around them. And if it didn't in the past, they'll make sure it does in the future.

Kids most often face human bullies - either a bigger, more aggressive kid or an abusive adult.

Adults face human bullies, too. The ex-spouse who betrayed you. The abusive spouse you're still with. The boss whose temper sends you scuttling for extra java - pronto! The suicide bomber whose actions killed your brother-in-law. The dictator who thinks that nuclear weapons regulations don't apply to his country.

We face non-human bullies as well. Disease. Pain. Severe weather. Accidents. Bankruptcy.

Of course, not everyone with an abusive spouse sticks around for more. Disease is healed every day. An impressive number of today's millionaires faced serious financial challenge before they worked out the fine points of money management. And it's often possible to evacuate before severe weather strikes.

So it's not the bully that has the controlling play in this drama. It's you. Your reaction is in your own hands.

The attention-seeking bully would like to have you devote yourself completely to his little game. And if you do, there's one way you'll know it for sure. You'll see yourself in the role of the victim.

[I suppose it's only fair to point out that there's at least one other obvious set-up for feeling like a victim. It happens quite by accident. The so-called bully isn't seeking to control you at all. He's simply living life in line with his own self-interest when you were expecting him to favor yours.]

But let's say for the moment that you are dealing with an attention-seeking victim. Our 7-year-old buddy certainly is. And most health problems fall into this group as well.

What are you planning to do about it? That's the big question.

Do you cower in a corner, letting him beat on you until he gets bored? You could. Two things would happen. One, you'd hurt. Two, you'd lose self-esteem (which might feel like shame).

It's the second part, the shame that I'd like to address for a moment. A bit of hurt is inevitable. But we can live through that. It's the shame that will really get you if you don't gain the upper hand.

How can you do that?

I'm glad you asked. It's really pretty simple. Two steps.

1. Stand up for yourself. Literally, if you're a 7-year-old at the end of another kid's fist. Literally, stand yourself back up on your two feet. Even if you never hit the kid back, he'll know you're no easy mark simply because you pick yourself up off the floor and stand back up again.

Can you get how this carries over to other situations? Right now, think of a situation that troubles you. Starting today, make a personal commitment that no matter how many times you hit the ground, you're going to find the resources inside to stand back up again at least one more time than that. All it takes is one more time up than down and you've won. Get it?

2. Make a game out of it. In the case of the 7-year-old, make it like "tag." If your kid is the smaller, he's probably lighter on his feet than the other kid. So teach him to dodge out of the way. No big deal. A simple game of tag. Yawnnn.

What does this do? It shows the bully you'll do what's necessary to deal with him, but that you aren't invested in his little drama. Deal with the unpleasant diversion as you must, then move on fast.

Don't let it consume you - that's just what your bully is hoping for! And it leaves him in the driver's seat. Take back the wheel. In the context of your life, this unfortunate circumstance is little more than a gnat to be swatted away and moved on from. You have more important fish to fry.

And there you have it. Two self-esteem building tips to prevent staying the victim. Quick and dirty.

So who's the bully in your life now?

What are you planning to do about it?

If you play your cards right, you'll end up stronger because of the bully than you would have been without him. Maybe he'll even earn a spot on your gratitude list!