Healthy Living DIY

It seems that the human brain is wired to perceive change as painful. At least that's what I'm told (waiting for the reference -- when it comes, I'll let you know.)

Hard science aside, the perception is sound. Why else would we be faced with the dilemma of
"doing the same thing and expecting different results?" It's got to be a conflict in the area of change.

But is it really a fear of change? After all, if you don't like the results you're getting right now, aren't you actually striving for a change? Perhaps it's not so much a fear of change, then, but something else.

"What am I going to do about my friends?"

When someone begins my Wellness Coaching program, this is one of the first questions they often ask. You see, sometimes people "bond" over unhealthy behavior. So the person taking that first, brave step to unhinge that behavior wants to know how to move their life forward and still deal with their old friends.

• "How can I keep them from sabotaging my progress?"
• "How can I share what I've learned so they can move along, too?"
• "What if they aren't interested -- do I have to drop them from my life?"

They're great questions.

Let's start the answer with a short story about what not to do.

Let's continue our series on creating change in your life. You do want things to go more smoothly, don't you? At least in some area of your life.

Even if 99% of your life is as good as things get, aren't you at least intrigued about upping the ante in that remaining 1%? Most of us are.

Why is it, then, that among a group of people who say they want to take things to the next level, our default position often comes through as "why it won't work." "Couldn't possibly work." "Completely impossible."

Hmmm?

In fact, my experience shows that people actually seek out the slightest little piece to find fault with, so they can feel justified in discarding the whole idea. Even if it's exactly what they're looking for.

Case in point...

So you want to change your life. Or maybe it's life that wants to change you. Either way.

There are two basic ways to go. You can change willingly, or you can try and hold your ground. If you choose option #2, you'll get a neat bonus. A free pass to the School of Hard Knocks.

A number of years ago, I earned my Shodan rank (first degree black belt) in Koei-Kan Karate-Do. Koei-Kan doesn't exist as a "belt mill" or a recreational activity. It's a martial art. Anyone walking around with one of their belts has earned it.

This true story, based two events that occurred as I prepared for my test, illustrates the results of resisting inevitable change just beautifully!

What do you want any day of the year?

If you grew up in a home where scarcity was the rule, perhaps the phrase "you can't have everything you want" rings a bell. If you grew up in a home where it was considered noble to sacrifice your desires, you may recognize the same phrase. Sometimes, I'll even wager it was tinged with "so who do you think you are that you deserve to have what you want?"

If this type of thinking has a place in your past, have you considered lately whether it's affecting your future? Unless you've taken steps to change your thinking, I'd be willing to assert with confidence that your desires are not being met right now.

Why?

Because you're operating from a "rule" that says you can't have what you want -- regardless of what it is! If this is true for you, you may find that it's challenging to even acknowledge what you do want.

(Since you believe that whatever it is will be permanently out of reach, it's less painful to pretend you only want what you already have ... which by definition cannot be what you really want. You can't have that, remember?)

Guess what? No matter what, unless you change that rule, you are virtually guaranteed to sabotage your chances of creating the life you say you desire.

Let's look a little deeper.