Cut to scene from an average American home -- Tuesday, 7:00 pm: Dinner's finished, kids are fussing about their homework, mom and dad are frazzled. Everybody's stressed from a hectic day. The place is in chaos.
Bring up the sound: "I'm stressed out! I'm not doing anything tonight. Gonna put my feet up on the couch and watch some TV. I've had it!" (Mom talking.)
"Me, too! Time to relax." (complete agreement from Dad).
And so it goes. Stress to relaxation -- right?
Not quite. This isn't relaxation, it's numbness. Once they come to, they'll be just as stressed as they were when they knocked themselves out with the self-medication of the TV set (or Internet browsing, or any other diversion).
They forgot a step.
The key piece of the stress this family feels is conflict -- even if its no more than the conflict between the contentment and satisfaction they dream about and the confusion of their actual environment.
According to the good folks over at m-w.com, conflict is "a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external and internal demands."
Ask the typical family we're interviewing why they haven't resolved the conflict, and they'll offer a succession of really good answers. Primarily, they'll say, they don't have time. But from the objectivity of "over here," you and I can clearly see that they do. (All they'd have to do is shut off the TV for a while.)
But surely they're lacking something. And what that something is will be different for different people -- awareness, energy, motivation, confidence, or successful problem-solving experience are among the most likely choices. The good news is that for a person who's really interested in engaging with their life, all those "lacks" can be remedied.
The step our average family missed was resolving the conflict. Resolve comes from the Latin re + solvere : to loosen, release, or solve. Resolve means simply "to deal with successfully." After which, this happy family can genuinely relax.
In fact, once the pressing concerns of their lives have been resolved well, relaxation will be their natural state!
Where to start? Well, I'd start with some Wellness Coaching.
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
Take our free Less Stress; More Time mini-course!
