Responsibility or Blame? (Healthy Living DIY)

Responsibility or blame? Hearing vs. listening? Will we ever get it right?

This weekend, I had a great opportunity to eavesdrop in on a conversation about certain principles of organic gardening. They correspond almost perfectly with some principles we work with every day in the holistic health field. We'll explore them in the next article.

But first, I want to make sure you can hear me.

See, over in the gardening conversation, something also happened that's often replicated in our (holistic health) world. Some people confused responsibility with blame. Because they didn't get the distinction, they were confused and offended by the information the person who started the conversation intended to convey.

It's too bad. They listened, but they couldn't hear. Not only did they get their feathers ruffled unnecessarily, but ...

... they missed out on some good information!

So let's try and clear this up.

In life, there are situations where you can have some influence over what's going on. There are other situations where you can't.

Just this morning, I listened to a talk by a man who formerly worked for one of the Japanese automakers. He had pre-sold a bunch of cars, and his customers were eagerly awaiting delivery. On the way across the ocean, the boat the cars were traveling on sank. (Bummer, huh?) He had no influence over that situation at all.

One of my goals in life is to try and identify as many situations as possible where I can have some influence. Then, try and influence things to go in the direction I want. Perhaps you have the same goal. It's called taking responsibility.

Here's the rub: You and I will never see this exactly the same way.

Why?

Because you and I have different backgrounds of experience. I'll see things that look possible, where you see a roadblock. And vice versa. That's why it's so cool as a human to share experiences with people who have different backgrounds and different expertise. You end up with so many more options!

So here we are in the gardening conversation. And the knowledgeable, experienced gardening person said, "hey, here's a situation where you could gain some influence over your results."

"Cool," I thought. "I like that!"

But what a few of the other folks heard, because of their particular backgrounds coming into the conversation, was blame. It's as though the expert had tacked on this phrase to the end of his sentence: "and if you're not already doing it, you must be an idiot."

He didn't say that, of course. I believe he was trying to be helpful. But the offended parties didn't understand what he was telling them.

Specifically, they'd never considered that they could have influence over the particular situation he introduced. They were used to seeing themselves as hapless victims of circumstance. When he told them there was something else they could do, they reacted by becoming defensive. And they missed some good information.

Responsibility means continually looking out for areas where you can have some influence over the results you get in life. Then, when you can, acting to create what you want. End of story.

There's no blame; no judgment.

Nobody comes into this world knowing everything -- the human state is one of continuous learning. You can never know it all. You're not supposed to know it all. Nobody does. Once you really get that, the blame (which in the gardening situation came completely from the listeners' own minds) vanishes.

Poof!

And now you can hear.

Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!

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