You say you're up to some big changes in your life. Thinking different, acting different, being different. You've got to be. You've been feeling just awful lately. Drained. Lethargic. You know in your heart that you've got to get out of this cycle or your health will soon pay the price.
So you're up to big changes. You've said it would never happen again. You even promised!
Lotta good that did, apparently, because here you are again. In a crisis. And this crisis feels way too familiar.
If we've just described your situation, then you're in for some extremely good news! Recognizing "that old familiar sinking feeling" is the first critical step to healing the situation you're ready to change. You are healing even as we speak!
Of course, you're not quite done yet. Chin up, though. At least you've started! Here's how the feeling thing works.
Feeling helps you to identify what's going on in your world. Feeling great means things are going well. Feeling icky means something's off. You are not "supposed" to feel bad. When you get, and then more importantly recognize "that old familiar feeling," you've just been handed a passport to freedom.
Here's what to do.
Notice the feeling, but don't get caught up in it. It should help you to know that it's normal to get the icky feeling once in a while as you hone your skill at preventing it. So you recognize the feeling, but it hasn't taken control. You are observing yourself like a scientist.
Now the research begins in earnest. The scientist in you can take over and ask the all-important question, "what just happened?" It won't take you too many tries to find some familiarity in the answers you get.
"I started to feel like my life was hopeless," you might answer, "because I felt so dumb when I made that stupid mistake."
All right, that's your second win. First you recognized the feeling, and then you figured out why you got it. Two steps down and one to go. You're doing really great!
Keep your scientist hat on. You're just doing some objective research here. Is it really reasonable to expect yourself to be perfect? Do you know anyone who actually is perfect? No, of course not. So the first real problem is that your premise was off. You actually are allowed to make the occasional mistake.
Almost done now, but let's go for the bonus round. Ask yourself this one, "How could the mistake have been prevented?"
"Well," you might answer, "I really didn't understand what I was supposed to do, but I felt like I'd look stupid if I asked for more information."
Hmm. So you were worried about looking foolish, so you jumped off into a project you didn't understand and messed it up. Now it takes a pretty smart person to figure that out, and you just did. So I don't believe the stupid thing for a minute, and neither should you.
Your biggest real mistake was not asking for help when you needed it.
"Bingo!" you say as the light bulb comes on. "That was the same thing I figured out the last time I got that icky feeling. And the time before that, too."Wow, that icky feeling came from not asking for help when I needed it three times in a row. So my main mistake was failing to ask a question when I didn't understand the directions. I can fix that. And I figured it out all by myself, so you know what? I must be smarter than I thought!"
Observing a feeling you don't like is the first step toward making that feeling go away. The feeling is telling you that something is wrong. Put your "researcher" cap on and step back to see what it was.
Usually, there will be a faulty assumption or an unrealistic expectation in the background somewhere. Figure out what it is, adjust your thinking, and you're there. Golden. Feeling great!
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
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