Not too long ago, I received a reader question asking for a bit of advice. Seems she and her grandson's mother have some different beliefs on taking care of an infant and she wondered how to handle things.
This is a great question, because it could easily enough be any other two people with different views on nearly any subject!
Here's the set-up: "Grandma" comes from a belief that says to avoid microwaving foods because it changes their structure, a belief shared by many other holistic thinkers. According to this belief, microwaving foods should be avoided as a matter of health care.
Her grandson's mother comes from a belief that use of the microwave is just fine, a belief shared by many others including, most likely, the child's pediatrician. Obviously, heating a bottle in the microwave is more convenient than using the "warm water on stovetop" method.
There were a couple of other issues, but they're similar and you can get the sense of things from this one.
One person with one particular set of beliefs. Another person with another particular set of beliefs. Both sets beliefs have support "out there in the world." Both believers have a strong investment in their point of view. Grandma feels that using the microwave stands to damage the infant's health. Mom feels that the convenience can't be beat!
Oh yikes! What to do?
Here's the key to bringing peace to this situation. It's very simple.
No matter how strongly held your views may be, this is a difference of opinion. It is not a matter of one person being "right" and the other "wrong." It is not a matter of one person being "more enlightened" and the other "less" or one being more "with the times" and the other being "old fashioned." There are two established ways to see this situation, and the two parties involved are looking at it from different views. The end.
This could as easily be shopping for taste versus shopping for value, how old a little girl needs to be in order to get her ears pierced, mustard vs. ketchup, organic vs. conventional, raw milk vs. pasturized, or any number of other highly debatable issues.
Understanding that the person whose views you do not share has a valid right to their perspective is the first step in creating harmony. Allowing them the freedom to choose whichever perspective they feel best about is the second.
Only at that point will a conversation about your respective views have a chance of getting you somewhere you want to go!
In a nutshell:
1. Respect the other person's opinion.
2. Allow them the freedom to choose whichever perspective they wish.
3. From that position, explain your views. If there is research available, make the research available to the other party.
4. Thank the person for listening and walk away.
5. Continue to set a positive example and keep an open mind for a positive resolution. Be open to answering questions.
6. From time to time, you may wish to re-visit the situation. Each time you do, enter the conversation with full respect for the other person's position and freedom to choose.
Bottom line in this situation is that the childs mom gets to choose her child-rearing practices. Peaceful family relationships are worth a lot, so hopefully that will be Grandma's #1 priority!
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health — or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this "Stick-To-It Coach" has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of — you!
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